our house was the stranger i lived with

If you have had any media access over the last six months, you’ve likely heard something of Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden, which recounts the sudden collapse of a 20-year marriage leaving the author a single parent, virtually overnight and the ensuing stressful legal battle over assets. Stressful especially because those assets and practically their entire financial life had been navigated by her husband. The abrupt end required Belle Burden take on responsibilities she had long ago relinquished. If you have not personally experienced a similar event, chances are you know someone who has. So just what is it about MAINTENANCE that allows us to freely hand control to someone else, be it our finances, our hair color or our home?

This question is especially timely given women now far outpace men in the US as homebuyers. What contributes to these numbers is an amalgam of experiences, from those who take control of this asset via divorce to those at the onset of their career and no intention of marrying, to those who have saved for decades and are purchasing a home in retirement. My story is the former and like Belle I provided the upfront capital, then took a career and financial backseat to my husband while I looked after our kids.

The aftermath of divorce is also an opportunity to take on what had previously been avoided. It’s a seismic shift that renders you lost, then followed, hopefully, by a fight to be found stronger on the other side.

A temporary absence of our comfort zone is for some, managed with the help of an alter ego. Beyonce has ‘Sasha Fierce’, Bowie had ‘Ziggy Stardust’ and Eminem works his lyrics though ‘Slim Shady’. Anyone can adopt an alter ego. No stage is required. ‘Handy Darling’ is mine, with a nod to Warhol muse ‘Candy Darling’ because after all why not a maintenance muse?

Candy Darling: Dreamer, Icon, Superstar (2024) By Cynthia Carr

What progresses from this endeavor is a little bravery I hope, as well as healthier home not just a dressed up one, and that every homeowner has a sense of beauty and glamour when it comes to their home. True beauty comes from knowing oneself and allowing an inner strength to shine through. This is a journey that involves finding out just how to keep a house humming and the confidence that is built in you along the way.

XOXO

Handy Darling